Couples Therapy

Do you or your partner have ADHD symptoms that are causing issues in your relationship?

ADHD symptoms can significantly strain a relationship. One partner may feel like they are too often in the role of a caretaker, managing tasks and responsibilities. This dynamic can create a parent-child feeling within the relationship, which can be frustrating and lead to resentment, let alone the impact that this can have on libido. Forgetfulness and inattention can cause missed appointments, forgotten promises, and a lack of follow-through on important tasks, making the non-ADHD partner feel undervalued or neglected as the couple struggles to pay what I refer to as the “ADHD tax.” Communication can become challenging as the ADHD partner may interrupt, lose track of conversations, forget what has been said, or struggle to stay present during discussions. These issues can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and a sense of disconnection, ultimately undermining the health and stability of the relationship.

As an ADHD Certified Psychologist, I’ll help you with:

• Identify which issues in your relationship are caused or exacerbated by your ADHD symptom
• Understand how aspects of your relationship are, conversely, worsening your ADHD symptoms
• Set and maintain clear treatment goals to improve relationship dynamics.
• Implement behavioral strategies to increase motivation and follow-through on commitments.
• Teach techniques to decrease procrastination and enhance time management skills.
• Provide tools to improve attention span and decrease impulsivity during interactions.
• Address forgetfulness and help establish routines to manage daily tasks effectively.
• Work on communication strategies to keep track of conversations, remember what one’s partner has asked of them, and improve follow through.
• Help partners build empathy and understanding toward each other’s experiences and challenges.
• Develop conflict resolution skills to manage misunderstandings and reduce arguments.
• Enhance overall relationship satisfaction and stability by addressing ADHD-related issues.

I often hear my couples say, “I feel like we’d be great together if it wasn’t all the outside stressors that impact our relationship.” Stress in our relationship bleeds into every other facet of our lives. Don’t wait to develop the skills to improve yours. Together, we’ll help you learn how to express yourself and your needs more effectively, understand the root behind your and your partner’s feelings, and identify the patterns you get into during conflict. We will replace that pattern with a positive, productive, and connected pattern that fosters the deep, meaningful, and fulfilling connection you and your partner are capable of and deserve.

Anxiety can cast a long, dark shadow over a romantic relationship, leading to misunderstandings, mistrust, emotional distance, and a depressing sense of overwhelm. Frequent worry and fear can cause one partner to become overly dependent or excessively avoidant, straining the romantic bond. The anxious individual may struggle with intrusive thoughts that their partner does not care for them, is upset with them or even on the verge of unfaithfulness or leaving the relationship altogether, which can lead to the need for repeated reassurances and put a significant burden on the relationship. This constant cycle of anxiety and reassurance can exhaust both partners, reducing intimacy and connection. Anxiety can also trigger irritability and impatience, making it harder for couples to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts calmly.

Anxiety is one my primary areas of expertise, so our couples therapy with me will involve numerous interventions through solution-focused, structured therapy to help manage and reduce anxiety within your relationship. We’ll collaborate to help you:

• Create a warm, welcoming, and safe space where you and your partner can feel calm: facilitating open and honest communication between you about your feelings and needs.
• Identify and challenge cognitive distortions that fuel anxiety about and within your relationship.
• Develop personalized coping strategies for dealing with your and your partner’s anxiety triggers.
• Introduce behavioral activation: engagement in meaningful activities to break the cycle of avoidance that anxiety can trap you and your relationship in in.
• Help build emotional resilience and self-compassion.
• Establish healthy boundaries both within your relationship and towards others in your lives to reduce stress.
• Learn and integrate personalized problem-solving skills to address anxiety-provoking situations.
• Utilize cognitive-behavioral techniques to alter negative thought patterns.
• Create a structured plan for managing the anxiety “pain points” that tend to manifest most frequently in your relationship.

I welcome and have extensive experience working with relationships of all types, from couples considering opening their relationship or already practicing ethical non-monogamy to those with diverse gender expressions, even nonromantic relationships such as business partners, roommates, and co-stars.

Issues regarding one’s gender or sexuality can be difficult to discuss with many people in our lives, let alone to receive informed and personalized advice about. That’s where therapy comes in. In therapy, we will make the taboo speakable. There are a fraction of narratives about queer couples, and even less featuring a trans person. Depending on when, where, and how you were raised, you may not have had any narratives about what healthy, loving relationships can look like for people with your gender or sexual identity. That is why it is so important to have a qualified psychologist with extensive experience working with people like you, whether you are exploring your sexuality for the first time or whether your long-term relationship is still fulfilling.

All too often, couples wait until they are in crisis to seek help. That’s why you so often hear psychologists preach the benefits of pre-marital couples therapy.

Therapy isn’t just for fixing problems. Couples therapy can (and should!) also be used to prevent issues. After all, during our “honeymoon” phase, romance and intimacy can feel natural, sometimes even easy. We invest so much time and energy getting to know the ins and outs that make our partner their unique self. However, as familiarity grows and external stressors demand more of our time, it’s common to invest less time and energy in the relationship.

That’s where premarital counseling, (or newlywed therapy) comes in: a key to build strong relationships. By addressing key issues before they escalate, premarital therapy fosters open communication and reinforces conflict resolution skills. It helps partners understand and align their expectations about intimacy, parenting, financial planning, and career changes. I utilize the techniques relevant to your relationship from Gottmann, Positive Psychology, Attachment Theory, and Strength-based therapy in our work together. For instance, rather than starting at square one, we’ll identify the patterns you and your partner are already caught in; then we’ll replace the detrimental patterns of conflict with healthy, stable patterns grounded in the foundation of your strengths and values. Thus, premarital counseling strengthens emotional support systems, ensuring both partners are mentally prepared for the road ahead. This proactive approach not only fortifies the relationship foundation but also cultivates a deeper, more resilient partnership capable of navigating future challenges together.

Another common topic couples discuss in therapy is transition. Are you entering a new life stage? I assist couples who are newly partnered, engaged, planning a wedding, newlyweds, or starting/expanding a family. If you seek support to address pain points or prevent issues from escalating, couples therapy can help. We’ll focus on “big-ticket items” topics relevant to your current stage, including:

• Communication styles and patterns you currently get stuck in during arguments
• Conflict resolution techniques to replace destructive patterns
• Intimacy and sexual satisfaction
• Parenting strategies and co-parenting dynamics
• Career changes and job stress
• Financial plans to unite you on this frequently conflictual topic
• Changing identities over the course of the relationship as you grow and mature together
• Managing extended family relationships
• Emotional support and mental health
• Household responsibilities and chores
• Long-term goals and shared dreams

An affair profoundly impacts a relationship, shattering the foundational trust that bound you and your partner together. The breach of loyalty often leads to a power imbalance, where one partner feels betrayed and disempowered, while the other may struggle with guilt and accountability. This breakdown in fidelity can manifest as emotional distance, increased conflict, difficulty reestablishing trust, and a loss of intimacy. The partner who has been betrayed may experience intense emotional turmoil, including feelings of anger, and confusion, and self-esteem issues, while the partner who had the affair may grapple with remorse and the fear of losing the relationship. These dynamics tend to create a cycle of mistrust and resentment, making it challenging for couples to communicate effectively and move forward.

Couples therapy with a specialist in post-affair trauma can be instrumental in helping partners navigate these tumultuous waters. Post-affair couples work doesn’t look like typical couples therapy, which is why selecting a therapist with specialized training is key. A skilled therapist can assist you and your partner in identifying whether their ultimate goal should be to heal the relationship or to dissolve it as amicably as possible. 

For those aiming to repair the relationship, therapy offers a structured environment where both partners can express their emotions and perspectives safely. I help rebuild trust by fostering honest communication and guiding you through the process of understanding the underlying issues that led to the affair as well as both identifying and helping you navigate the path forward. I guide you through clear therapeutic steps at the core of post-affair work. I also integrate, when relevant, techniques from Attachment Theory, Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Restoration Therapy (RT), Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and solution-focused therapy to address negative thought patterns and develop strategies for conflict resolution. By integrating the strengths and values that initially brought you and your partner together, post-affair therapy aids in restoring emotional intimacy and setting realistic, mutual goals for the future. I will provide the tools and support necessary for you and your partner to build a stronger, more resilient partnership than your pre-affair relationship, rooted in mutual trust, dignity, respect, and mutual adoration.